I went for a 2 1/2 mile run last night and was sweating more than John Belushi stranded in the middle of the Sahara Desert. When I staggered back to my place, a dear friend was waiting there in his car; so I decided to go to my first Meeting with him in the town of Lahaina. I met some interesting people who I was really able to relate with on a personal level as I heard them tell their stories.
Before the meeting began, people wrote some fucking question on a piece of paper, and then threw them all in an old, wrinkled hat. Then, the guy leading the meeting walked around with the hat, and we all picked a question out at random. I opened up the small, folded piece of paper and my question read, "would drinking Kombucha be considered relapse?" I thought to myself, "what the hell is Kombucha?" Fuck it, I went with it. "Hi, my name is Michael and alcohol has caused a great deal of problems for me in the past." Truth is, I'm still too damn stubborn to admit I'm an alcoholic because I'm confused on whether or not I want to quit drinking, and whether or not alcohol would even be considered a problem for me right now. So right away I ask, "What the hell is Kombucha?" and everyone starts laughing. I turn more red than a baboon's ass. Then I say, "Well okay. I don't know what the heck it is, but if someone is afraid of drinking it, then it probably has some form of alcohol in it, so then just don't drink the shit period."
Later on this guy told a story about how he was able to quit on his own for a year at a time. He would smoke a lot of pot, but as time went on, he figured he could have a beer. One beer, and then BOOM! He woke up and realized he crashed his car. He finally realized he needed help and that he had a problem. When these words hit me, I finally had an epiphany: I realized that alcohol has led to practically every single mistake I have made in the past 6 years and its about damn time I realize it.
I am alone. A frail pebble of a stone toppling down a cliff towards despair. Trying to find the light in what is right; peering through the dreaded vines which cover the darkness that lingers deep within the moments of time.
Pale white, full moon floating behind naked trees on a cold, crisp, gloomy night in the meadows of a small town--15 minutes from the city. Gray clouds soaring by the moon and springing life to the creatures, who linger within the deep, darkness of the trees. The dire smell from the icy air pushes into my lungs and sends a trickling chill down my spine. I am running, racing, and dodging for my life! And to think two years ago, I would have never predicted this.
You know what? I am done felling sorry for myself and all of the things that shoulda, coulda, woulda happened. Fuck it bruh. I'm in Maui, doing good things, and a living a more healthy lifestyle than I have ever lived before. I can't wait to start stacking cash and go swimming in the beautiful, blue Ocean. My glass is full, overflowing on the sides, and nothing can break these vibes.